Here’s a story you might recognize. Jake was a bright kid. He did fine in high school without trying too hard, got into a decent college, and seemed to have it all together. But by his sophomore year, he stopped going to class, spent his nights doing the frat thing and gaming, and was failing out before his parents even knew he was struggling. Jake’s story isn’t unique—it’s increasingly the norm for young men on college campuses today.
And here’s a fact that might make you cringe: College campuses are starting to look more like sororities than co-ed institutions. For every 100 women earning a college degree, only about 74 men are walking across the stage.
This isn’t because young men have all decided TikTok fame is better than biochemistry. It’s a deeper, messier, long-building crisis. And if you’re a parent of a college student, you need to know what’s really going on.
The Stats Are Brutal (and Parents Should Pay Attention)
The National Center for Education Statistics confirms what many professors have whispered for years: Young men are falling behind in higher education.
- Fewer men are enrolling in college.
- More men are dropping out.
- They consistently trail women in academic performance, campus engagement, and graduation rates.
This isn’t a “boys will be boys” story. It’s a “boys are struggling and we need to act” story.
Why Are College-Aged Men Falling Behind? (What Parents Need to Know)
1. The Motivation Gap
Many young men simply don’t see the point of college anymore. Rising tuition, stagnant wages, and an economy that seems to reward social savvy over hard work have led many to quietly ask: “Why bother?”
2. Cultural Confusion and the “Mismatch Problem”
Richard Reeves, in his book Of Boys and Men, describes a cultural mismatch: As society rightly championed women’s advancement, it unintentionally left many young men without a clear purpose or role. Traditional male pathways like being the family breadwinner are eroding, and nothing has replaced them.
Reeves writes, “Boys and men are falling behind in education and work not because they are privileged, but because they are being failed by outdated systems and cultural norms.”
3. The Boys’ Crisis Starts Early
The struggle isn’t just in college—it starts in elementary school. Boys often fall behind girls in literacy as early as third grade. The quiet, structured, sit-still learning environment that schools tend to favor often mismatches with the developmental needs of many boys.
By middle school, boys are:
- More likely to be diagnosed with behavioral issues
- Less likely to join extracurriculars
- More likely to disengage when things get hard
College is simply where these challenges explode—just with less structure, more freedom, and higher stakes.
4. Disappearing Male-Friendly Professions
Male-dominated industries like manufacturing and construction—which once provided accessible, respectable careers for non-academic men—are shrinking. The white-collar shift toward corporate efficiency has eliminated many practical, hands-on jobs, leaving some young men feeling stuck.
5. Replacement Behaviors
When young men disengage, they often retreat into:
- Gaming
- Marijuana
- Pornography
- TikTok and social media loops
These behaviors aren’t just time-wasters—they can become addictive escapes from responsibility, community, and growth.
Why Parents Should Be Concerned About College Dropout Rates for Men
Let’s look at the numbers:
- From 2010 to 2020, men’s college enrollment dropped 8%, compared to a 3% drop for women.
- By 2022, men made up just 42% of college students—down from a nearly even split in prior decades.
- About 24% of first-time male freshmen at four-year colleges don’t return sophomore year.
- At two-year colleges, dropout rates for men exceed 45%.
The impact is long-term:
- In early 2025, 89% of men aged 25-34 were employed or seeking work—but that’s a 700,000-person shortfall compared to 2004.
- In 2024, the percentage of young men classified as NEET (not in employment, education, or training) exceeded that of young women by 260,000.
This isn’t just about diplomas. It’s about future employment, healthy relationships, and mental well-being.
How Parents Can Help Their College-Aged Sons Right Now
There’s no silver bullet, but there are actionable steps you can take.
1. Start Earlier Than You Think
Support literacy, emotional intelligence, and structured accountability starting in elementary school. The earlier boys feel engaged and capable, the better.
2. Create Male-Friendly Education Pathways
- Encourage hands-on learning, mentorship, and vocational exploration.
- Help your son find male role models—mentors, coaches, older friends—who can cheerlead and challenge him.
3. Introduce the “HEAL” Pathway
Richard Reeves advocates for more men in Health, Education, Administration, and Literacy (HEAL) professions—growing fields where men are currently underrepresented but which offer good pay and work-life balance.
4. Normalize Mental Health Support
Therapy and emotional tools aren’t just for women. Help your son understand that getting support is a sign of strength, not weakness.
5. Set Clear Boundaries
Communicate exactly what you will and won’t provide:
- No blank checks for college, cars, tech, or life.
- Clear expectations around effort and follow-through.
6. Build Real Accountability
- Require ownership of mistakes (like paying his own parking tickets).
- Celebrate his wins (like getting into a competitive club or internship).
Accountability equals ownership—the good and the bad.
Key Takeaways for Parents
✔️ Set clear financial and academic boundaries.
✔️ Encourage male mentorship and vocational exploration.
✔️ Promote emotional health and therapy as normal.
✔️ Focus on accountability, not snowplowing or micromanagement.
✔️ Watch for signs of quiet disengagement.
Final Thoughts
Young men aren’t failing college because they’re lazy or incapable. They’re failing because we’ve built a system that isn’t working for them—and it’s creating a dangerous feedback loop.
As Richard Reeves wisely says, “The goal is not to pit boys against girls but to ensure that boys have the tools, support, and opportunities they need to succeed alongside their female peers.”
This isn’t about reversing progress for women—it’s about making sure we don’t leave half our young people behind.
It’s time to stop making excuses and start doing better.
Related Resources
🎧 Listen: The Better Semester Podcast
📚 Read Next: My 5 Steps to Get the Most Out of Freshman Year
📅 Download: Parent’s Guide: How to Get Your College Student’s Mental Health Services Covered by Insurance
FAQs for Parents: Supporting College-Aged Sons
Why is my son disengaged in college? He may be questioning the value of college, struggling with mental health, or lacking purpose and accountability.
How can I help my college-aged son stay motivated? Set clear expectations, encourage male mentors, and support his exploration of vocational pathways that fit his strengths and interests.
What are the warning signs of a struggling male college student? Watch for avoidance of detailed updates regarding classes. Also, look for skipping classes, falling grades, social withdrawal, increased gaming, and changes in sleep or hygiene.