You sent them off with a dorm-size microwave and a vague hope that the campus counseling center had its act together.
Now you’re getting calls at odd hours. Or worse, radio silence. Their roommate says they haven’t gone to class in two weeks. They’re sleeping all day, vaping all night. Maybe they’re angry. Maybe they’re drinking. Maybe they just… stopped showing up to life.
And when you suggest therapy?
You get the shrug. The eye roll. Or the dead stare of a kid who’s already given up.
The Mental Health Crisis in College Students: A Brief, Terrifying Reality Check
Let’s zoom out for a second.
- 44% of college students report symptoms of depression.
- 1 in 4 students has considered suicide.
- Counseling centers? Underfunded and overrun. Some campuses have waitlists for students in crisis. I talk about campus counseling in more detail in this blog post.
- And young men? They’re dropping out, checking out, and dying by suicide at tragically high rates—often without ever accessing care. I talk about this in detail in another blog post.
We’re watching the slow erosion of resilience in real time. And too often, parents are left feeling helpless—watching the wheels come off, unable to grab the steering wheel.
Why They Won’t Get Help
Let’s stop pretending this is just about “stigma.” That’s part of it, sure. But there’s more.
- Mental illness makes you think you don’t have a problem. That’s the nature of the beast. If your brain is glitching, you’re the last to know.
- College culture rewards burnout. “I haven’t slept in three days” is worn like a badge of honor.
- They fear the system. Some believe going to therapy means getting labeled, losing autonomy, or being forced into something. And let’s be honest: sometimes they’re right.
- Independence is the hill they’ll die on. You pushed them to be adults. Now they’re acting like it—badly.
So what the hell do you do when they won’t accept help? You get strategic. You get smart. And you stop pretending love alone is going to solve this.
What Does Help: The Evidence
Research on young adults and mental health engagement gives us a few insights:
- Motivational interviewing techniques increase willingness to seek help by letting the individual define the problem—and the solution.
- Parental involvement, when done right (see below), improves outcomes—but it must avoid power struggles.
- Peer-led programs often outperform traditional outreach in reducing resistance.
- Behavioral nudges, like normalizing therapy as part of overall wellness, can reduce shame and inertia.
Translation: If you push too hard, they dig in. But if you listen, stay connected, and make help accessible and non-threatening, you keep the door open.
What You Can Do (Right Now)
Here’s a list. Not a platitude. A list—because you need action, not vibes.
1. Get Clear on the Red Flags
If your student is showing these signs, escalate:
- Talk of suicide or self-harm
- Missing class for weeks
- Substance use that affects functioning
- Complete social withdrawal
- Inability to care for basic needs (eating, sleeping, hygiene)
These aren’t “college is hard” moments. These are mental health emergencies.
2. Use the “I, Not You” Script
Say: “I’ve noticed you’ve been sleeping a lot and missing class. I’m really worried. I care about you, and I’d feel better if we talked about some support options.”
Avoid: “You’re screwing up again” or “If you don’t get help, I’m cutting you off.”
(Unless you’re actually doing that. But if so, say it calmly and clearly.)
3. Normalize Help as Part of Success
Talk about therapy like tutoring or coaching. “Top athletes have coaches. Smart people have therapists.”
If you’ve been to therapy, say so. If you haven’t—consider going. Model what you want them to do.
4. Know Your Leverage—and Use It Thoughtfully
If you’re paying for tuition, housing, or a car, you do have leverage. But it’s not a hammer; it’s a dial.
Try: “Part of our agreement is that you take care of your mental health. That includes following up with support on campus—or through another resource.”
This keeps boundaries intact without launching a full-blown war.
5. Loop in Allies
Friends. RA. Academic advisors. Athletic coaches. Campus mental health. You don’t need to do this alone—but respect privacy laws.
If safety is at stake, FERPA and HIPAA don’t prevent action. You can call the counseling center and say, “I have serious concerns about my student.” They might not tell you much—but they’ll listen. And sometimes, that’s the domino that needs to fall.
6. Offer One Easy Step
Don’t say, “You need a therapist.”
Say, “I found someone you could talk to just once. No pressure to commit. Want me to text you their info?”
Make it so easy they have no excuse.
7. Be the Net, Not the Fixer
If they fall, catch them. But don’t rob them of the dignity of standing back up.
Check in. Send groceries. Offer structure. But resist micromanaging unless safety is on the line.
Final Thought: The Long Game
Sometimes the best you can do is keep the channel open—even when they’re not listening.
They might reject help today. But when they’re ready, they’ll remember who kept showing up without judgment.
Be that person.
And if you’re drowning in worry? Get your own support. Because parents deserve help too—especially the ones doing everything right… with a kid who still says no.
Want More Straight Talk and Practical Strategies?
If this hit home, don’t stop here.
Listen to my podcast – The Better Semester is where mental health, parenting, and real-world college chaos collide. No fluff. No psychobabble. Just practical insights that work.
Read My books for a deeper dive into parenting college students through crisis, growth, and everything in between.
Explore more blog posts that cut through the noise and give you real tools—not just reassurance.
Till next time.