For years I’ve responded to emails, Facebook posts, LinkedIn questions and phone calls from parents of college students looking for suggestions and reassurance. Now, I’ve finally pulled some of the most asked questions and my responses into a series of AMA. If you have additional questions you don’t see covered here, contact me today.

Mental Health

Q: How can I tell if my student is struggling with anxiety, depression, or burnout? 

A: You will see it in behavioral change that is not more strongly correlated with transitioning to school. They will provide for vague responses to your questions, talk about feeling tired WAY more than they normally do, and will likely talk about upcoming breaks (eg. Fall Break, Thanksgiving) super far in advance. 

Q: What campus resources are available for mental health support, and how do they work? 

A: Most colleges and universities have Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) or something closely related. They work by the student setting up an initial consultation and then scheduling a follow up appointment. Most schools do not offer regular sessions with the same therapist for the entirety of the semester. They might provide 4-6 sessions with a random therapist with the expectation the student will find someone in the community for on-going therapy. 

Q: How do I talk to my student about therapy without making them defensive? 

A: It depends on the level of severity. If going to school is contingent on participating in therapy, their defensiveness is a response to a boundary/expectation you’ve set  to create the best conditions for their semester success. Ignore the defensiveness, focus on the plan. If on the other hand, it’s really just a suggestion to help them navigate 

Q: What’s the best way to encourage my student to use counseling or wellness services early, not just in a crisis? 

A: Role modeling use of professionals for aspects of our life where an outside perspective, advice, or constructive challenge can stabilize and help level up. 

Q: How can I tell the difference between normal adjustment stress and something more serious? 

A: Oh I love this one. Assuming you’re not a clinician with special spidey-senses, look for proportional responses to stressors.

Nutrition

Q: How do I help my student avoid skipping meals or relying on fast food? 

A: You don’t. You pay for a meal plan or put money in their account so they can buy food. Their grumbling stomachs, lack of energy, and feeling like garbage is the best motivator for attending to healthy, consistent meals.

Q: Are campus meal plans healthy, and how can my student make the best choices? 

A: It depends. The easiest way to determine how healthy a university’s meal plan is is to check out the menu and figure out how closely it resembles the Mediterranean Diet. Whole foods, dark leafy greens, carbohydrates, healthy fats, fruits/vegetables that haven’t been abused with over cooking or added sugar. 

Q: How can my student manage food allergies or dietary restrictions away from home? 

A: Awareness and a Plan. They need to learn how to determine what foods they can eat and then create a specific plan to avoid/include those foods. 

Q: What are easy, healthy snacks they can keep in their dorm? 

A: Nuts, protein bars, bananas, apples. Basically, encourage foods that are as close to whole foods as possible that are relatively shelf-stable. Avoid sugary, processed foods with lots of salt and garbage.

Q: How much should I worry if my student gains or loses weight their first semester? 

A: Well, it doesn’t matter what I tell you here since you are going to worry regardless. Another way to frame this is when you should act and when you should stay on the sidelines. It’s time to jump in with suggestions or at least questions about their choices and habits early but not too often. I’d also keep an eye on the totality of their life – how are their grades, social life, etc. If they are pudging up or skinny minny they are probably struggling in other areas. It’s important for them to talk with a nutritionist and/or therapist to determine what is a healthy version of nutrition/fitness/lifestyle. They might simply be too distracted to eat regularly or drinking too much. Not great things but relatively easy to correct.

Sleep

Q: How much sleep do college students really need to function well? 

A: Here is the absolute simplest and most evidence-based protocol for college sleep… 7-8 hours per night, consistent bedtime, consistent wake-up time, darkest room possible, cool temperature, and no noise. 

Q: How can my student get enough rest with an irregular schedule or noisy dorm? 

A: They will not get ideal sleep so what they need to do is create a plan for creating as regular a sleep schedule as possible given the environment. I’m not a fan of catching up on sleep over the weekend since this creates as many problems as it seems to solve – it messes with circadian rhythm which disrupts their sleep/wake cycle for the weekdays. They might have to suffer through two semesters of this but remind them this will not last forever. 

Q: What are signs that lack of sleep is affecting their mental health or grades? 

A: They are likely going to experience more irritability, more headaches, and more fogginess. They might think they have depression or anxiety. It will also get increasingly harder for them to study well and get homework done since they’ll likely be staying up later, waking up later, and engaging in more hedonistic behaviors chasing short-term rewards. 

Q: Should I be concerned if they’re sleeping excessively? 

A: Only if it becomes a chronic issue (longer than a few days). This could be an early sign of avoidance of some scary thing, anxiety, depression, or an undiagnosed medical condition. 

Q: How can they balance early classes with late-night socializing or studying? 

A: Balance is the wrong goal to pursue. Instead, I encourage students to attend to each role in their life (eg. friends, academics, fitness, sleep, etc.). With that in mind, a good suggestion for them is to construct a work day (something like 9am-4pm) where they get all classes and homework done. Then, 4pm till bedtime is for dinner, fitness, and hanging out. This schedule is fantastic and a good way to attend to all the different parts of one’s life. 

Thanks for reading today. Please forward to a friend if you found this helpful. Join me next time for Part 2 when I answer your questions about Fitness, Wellness, Organization, and Academic Skills.